Where Did My Village Go?
By Aeryn Williams, LPCC-S
Director of Clinical Services - Hancock County
We’ve all heard the axiom, “it takes a village” and when I look at my life I can identify my village. If you were to scroll my Facebook feed you would see people who were key relationships throughout my lifespan; there’s my fifth grade teacher, my high school choral director, friends, former pastors and youth pastors, parents of my friends and many others. Over my life there were a number of adults who invested in my life.
You would also see people who I was blessed enough to be able to invest in; my former students, children of my friends some who still call me “Aunti,” nieces, nephews and cousins, and former neighbors, among others.
Yes, I have had the distinct blessing of a village throughout my life. There’s the village who took care of me and those I get to help take care of. Recently I had an occasion to stop and take account of my relationships and evaluate their status. What I realized is that my village has, in many ways, disappeared. There are youth in my life that I was able to invest in regularly who I no longer see due to COVID-19, or who I see much less. Without the convenience of random physical interactions, I have lost the routine investments in their life.
With that in mind, I tried to step into the shoes of these children.
I imagine some youth are waking up and looking around finding that the trusted adults in their villages have, in some ways, just disappeared. I know that there are youth whose fifth grade teacher, probation officer, dance instructor, soccer coach, Sunday school teacher, or other adult is THE adult. The adult who, knowingly or not, is their “safe space;” the person who allows the youth to be who they are and to learn and grow. And to realize that this person is now not accessible can be a very scary place to be.
Research has shown that one of the most predictable indicators of a child’s resilience to adversity and trauma is the existence of at least one strong relationship with an adult who they believe loves them.
I count myself blessed that I had multiple adults who filled this role in my life. But what happens to the child who only identifies one adult and then that adult suddenly goes missing? For far too many, it results in isolation, feelings of sadness and abandonment. Coupled with the impulsivity and lack of future thinking that all adolescents have, it can create a feeling that this “stinky situation” is not likely to change and hope becomes a quickly diminishing thing. When hope diminishes depression is not far behind.
So what do we do? We can’t go back to our lives the way they were. We don’t just bump into these youth in the same places. Our village is much more scattered than it has ever been.
I believe what we do is create intentionality within our relationships. We are intentional about reaching out. We use technology when appropriate (phones, Facetime, Zoom) and meet in person when we can (going on walks, driveway/parking lot parties).
These acts of intentional connection don’t have to be grand gestures, in fact, small gestures on a regular basis can go a very long way. This might look like:
Sending an old fashioned greeting card
Dropping off a care package or something small like bubbles
Waving and smiling at your neighbors when you see them
Inviting a friend or neighbor to walk along with you
If ever there was a time that we need our village to step up and connect, it’s now. What youth are in your village that you can support during this time? If your village doesn’t already include children, look around for neighbors, fellow church goers, or reach out to some of our area organizations to find out who could use a trusted adult in their village.
Let’s use this time for intentional connection and build the resilience of our youth and our villages. We are all in this together!
The collective trauma of COVID-19 is uncharted territory for all of us. In the Thriving Families blog, we aim to share messages of hope and tools to cope. Featured authors are local experts and community partners.
In March, our Hancock County System of Care grant project launched the inaugural Thriving Families Week. This week was dedicated to bringing local families and professionals together to talk about healing trauma, addiction, and mental illness.